Saccharine Torments
by FemaleSpock
Summary: At night Gwen has strange dreams of Morgana; are they merely nightmares or is this a punishment for her betrayal? Will she ever be able to escape Morgana's tangled web? Pairings: Morgana/Gwen main, Arthur/Gwen background. Femslash; post-Season 3.
1. Chapter 1: Haunted

Saccharine Torments

Chapter One: Haunted

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction!**

**Rated T for now; I'm not sure how dark this is going to get in future chapters. **

**Set a few weeks after the Season 3 finale. **

_The earth is damp under her bare feet, the sky barely visible through the dense canopy of the trees; she can hear the thunder crashing in her ears loud enough to know that it's thick with dark storm clouds. Her breath's ragged but she can't stop running, she's running for her life from some unknown menace. Lightening flashes again, briefly illuminating the gloomy path, hardly reassuring. She would have given anything for the light of the merest candle, for the slightest warmth to guard against the malignant darkness. _

_The trees loom over her like spectres, this place is so hostile, but it seems that the woods have no end. She's so alone; she hasn't seen another soul that could help her, that could save her; she's far from the safety of Camelot. She knows she's being followed though and that's why she flees. She stumbles but the sheer terror is enough to force her up again, to run limping along. It's catching her up now; she can feel its cold breath on the nape of her neck. She tries to ignore it, to pretend it's just the wind that she feels blowing against her skin. _

_The trees start to thin and there's a clearing in sight. Gwen collects the last remnants of her flagging energy to put is a dash towards the dim light. She just knows that if she makes it that everything will be fine. _

_She triumphs, collapsing onto the ground, in an exhausted heap, utterly bedraggled and feeling intense tiredness in her limbs. She feels safe though, she feels a burden has been lifted, that the danger has past. There's a small lake in the clearing, its dark waters gleaming eerily in the moonlight. The sky has cleared now and the scene is oddly peaceful despite the intense chill in the air. _

_She pulls herself up and walks towards the lake so as to wash her face of its grime. As she does, something catches her eye in the water, something pale just beneath the surface. She frowns and looks closer; it seems to be getting closer. _

_A scream leaves her mouth as it surfaces and she the realisation sinks in._

_Morgana._

_Her skin had always been creamily pale in life but it had never been this pallid shade. Her hair is loose, its dark tendrils spread in the water, moving with a life of their own. Her eyes are blank, unseeing, she's dead. _

_Gwen just stares, her hand shakily inching towards the body, so as to shut the eyes that used to be so full of spark, so full of life. _

_She recoils at the sudden motion of those colourless lips._

"_You killed me."_

Gwen snapped awake, sitting up with violence, the sensation of her dream still upon her. She blinked, the sunlight streaming in through the window helping to ground her, slowly she could feel reality return to her. She tried to remind herself that it was just a dream, a nightmare, and it started to work. She felt a little silly for letting it bother her so much. She promptly got up, for there was much to do, even weeks later, there was much to do to restore Camelot and Arthur needed all the help he could get- there was no time for sitting around and dwelling on bad dreams, there were enough real problems to be getting on with.

She went about her duties as usual; supervising the re-building of various wings that had got damaged in the battle or assisting Gaius with the healing of the sick. She is no longer anyone's maidservant- if Arthur had his way she would be idle like a noble Lady. She wants to help though, to serve in her own way and he knows and accepts that. Gwen knows that what they are doing is important; already Camelot seems like a different place under Arthur's rule, the sun seems to shine brighter and it feels like a new age is beginning- one of fairness and justice.

Still, there were challenges ahead for them all; Arthur was inexperienced and although she had complete faith in his ability to rule, she knew it wasn't going to be easy.

She picked some flowers and placed them in Uther's room whilst he was sleeping, replacing yesterday's bunch. She didn't know whether he noticed, he spent most of his hours in slumber, but she did it anyway; after all she did it for Arthur's sake not his, she had no great love of Uther. For a brief moment she was reminded of Morgana and of her night-terror. She shuddered and pushed it again to the back of her mind, reminding herself again that it wasn't real.

That night she dined alone with Arthur as has become routine, old rules and customs were but a distant memory now and it seemed perfectly natural that they should do so despite any difference in status. To his men he was a stoic; the leader, fearless and impassive. He was doing a good job of acting the part to his people, but with Gwen he allows himself to relate his fears, to lay his insecurities out in the open.

"Gaius says there is no change in his condition," Arthur said, shoulders tense, the burden of worry very apparent,

"Give it time," Gwen reassures him, as she is prone to do. But in reality, she doesn't know that it will get better, the struggles of the mind were so much more complex than any disease of the body.

Arthur sighs, heavily. "I just keep hoping that one day he'll get up and he'll be normal again. But the incident with Morgana, it's _broken_ him; I don't know if he'll ever fully recover."

There's nothing she can say, instead she lays a gentle hand on his shoulder and gently touches her lips to his, hoping he can find some comfort in her, some strength.

Camelot was far from perfect yet but she could feel the future like a gentle breeze on a summer's day, the future was right there in front of their eyes, and she knew they could make it if they tried.

That night she dreamt again.

_It's raining heavily, fat raindrops hitting her face; her dress is utterly soaked with water. It's night again, a still night, despite the rain. She's walking along the stone-paved streets, clutching her basket with her cold-numbed fingers. She can hear the sounds of laughter and chatter from inside the houses and the taverns; she knocks at various doors, hoping to take shelter somewhere until the rain subsides. But every door is closed to her, the people inside don't even seem to hear her, they are unconcerned, warm and happy. The delicious scents waft from the houses and Gwen suddenly realises how hungry she is. _

_She increases her speed, the Castle will be open to her, and then she can get herself dry. She walks through its gates, untroubled by the guards who stand like statues, walking a familiar course automatically, passing room after room, doors all shut. _

_She stops before the only open door, hesitating on the threshold._

_Morgana's chambers. _

_She doesn't want to go in there, she hasn't been there since Morgana left Camelot, but there doesn't seem to be a choice. _

_Nervously, she steps into the room, wary of any lingering evil. But it's just a room like any other and Gwen relaxes momentarily. It seems perfectly safe and she's grateful of the shelter from the rain. She takes off her dress and opens the wardrobe, choosing some warm breeches and a tunic- Morgana's old riding gear. _

_After she's changed, she sits at the table that's laid with a plate of fresh food- still hot. She doesn't question it, just dig in, frantically, she's never been so hungry as this. It tastes like nothing she's ever eaten before but she recognises the taste from somewhere, buried deep in the past. _

_She jumps as the door slams, she runs back to it, slamming her fists into the wood but it's held fast. It's dark, the motion extinguished the candle and the room is all of a sudden unwelcoming. _

_She turns around, knowing who she'll see there._

"_Hello Gwenevere," Morgana says, a sharp edge to her voice._

"_Morgana…"_

"_I see you've made yourself at home."_

"_I just…I had no choice, there was no-where else," Gwen protests, knowing that there's no adequate explanation for her presence there. _

"_I know."_

_Then Morgana's lips are on hers and she can taste the salty sweetness of the blood brushed over Morgana's lips like lipstick; their hands entwined to make them as one being. She can feel the rhythm of Morgana's heart and she feels like she's dancing to its beat, revelling. _

_After what feels like a lifetime she breaks away, feeling oddly bereft._

"_Why are you doing this?"_

"_Because I want you to know how it feels," Morgana replies and there's such vulnerability in her eyes. _

When Gwen woke, it was with the memory of those eyes fixed in her mind like a charm. Two dreams of Morgana in two nights, it hardly bode well. Gwen tried to set the memory aside, but she was finding it harder than she had the previous day, it just seemed a little strange to be coincidence.

**That's it for this chapter; I hope to have the next one up fairly soon. Please, please, review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Echoes

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 2: Echoes

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

_It's daytime; the sunlight is so pale, but so bright, it's overwhelming. Gwen's out in the meadows, picking wild flowers to take back to the castle. She smile, dreamily, it's so peaceful but yet, so full of life. The grass is so green, the sky such a beautiful azure; the colours look so saturated, so unreal. Gwen felt that she could stay there forever. _

_She lingers a little while longer, lying down in the welcoming grass, without concern for her skirts. She looks up at the sky and gets lost in the soft forms that the clouds make, whilst butterflies flutter, caressing her skin, so gently. She loses time and she sits and wonders, thinking of nothing in particular. For there is nothing to worry about; Camelot is safe and sound. _

_Her eyelids droop, the sunlight making her feel hazy and somehow wistful. She's aware that she's drifting but she makes no effort to hold on, and instead surrenders to sleep's tempting, deathlike embrace. _

_She opens her eyes with a start, disorientated for a moment, all her memories flooding back slowly. It was impossible to tell how long she had been asleep; the scene looked the same, still bright and sunny. It was her that felt different; a dim sense of panic was growing, without reason. It felt like she had been in a very dark place, a place without light, when she had slept; now the waking world just didn't feel the same, didn't feel right._

_For a moment she thought she saw a flicker of something in the clouds, a face that she knew, but she blinks and then all she sees is cloud- as innocuous as anything. _

_She gets up now, she's stayed there too long and she knows she's late- that she's needed for something back in Camelot. She walks briskly back down the path that she originally came down, she breathes slowly, there's nothing that justifies this strange feeling that she had, the feeling of being out of place; she was just being paranoid. _

_She walks into the courtyard, where Arthur and his knights were practicing- just like normal._

"_Having fun?" she asks Merlin, who is standing by the side holding the equipment. He's never too happy about the practice time- it usually leaves him with a few new bruises whenever Arthur decides to use him an example._

_He is silent._

"_Merlin?" she's concerned, he looks distant, blank, it's like he can't see or hear her. _

_No answer._

_Is he afflicted with some malady?_

_The knights strike the air in unison. _

_One. _

_She shakes Merlin a little to no avail._

_They step back, swords pulled up in defence. _

_Two._

"_Arthur! I think there's something wrong with Merlin," she shouts, anxious._

_The Knights lunge forward, a decisive stroke in this imaginary battle._

_Three._

"_Arthur!"_

_Nothing. _

_No reaction._

_She hurries away, disconcerted, hoping to find someone who could tell her what's going on- an enchantment, yes, that would be it. _

_But no matter who she tried, there seemed to be no-one that could hear her, no-one that saw her. _

_She takes a turn, becoming increasingly desperate, and ends up in Morgana's old chamber. She doesn't want to be here but yet somehow she keeps getting dragged back here._

_She looks in the mirror, afraid of what she might see, but everything is normal- she looks the same as she ever did._

_She sees Morgana's reflection in the mirror before actually seeing her. Gwen turns around cautiously, aware that Morgana probably can't see her- just like everyone else._

"_You're wrong, I can see you, I'm the only one that can," Morgana says, giving Gwen a fright, its as if she had read her thoughts- through sorcery or perhaps just through use of intuition. _

"_I see," Gwen replies, simply, she doesn't want to provoke her any further._

"_This is part of it, this is part of the story, this is close to the start. I'm not showing you in order; I'm sorry."_

_Her apology almost seems sincere. _

"_I'm busy you know though, I have to go, until next time," Morgana says, there's something faintly malicious in her smile. _

Bad luck comes in threes, at least that was what Gwen had heard, she hoped that this would restrict itself to just three time, three times and she could dismiss it- pretend it was just her mind, just a strange coincidence. But the next night, there she was again, filling her dream with images of spectacular pain, it was all so vivid.

She wasn't going to leave it to chance though, it was all so tiring, she'd never really experienced any type of sleep deprivation before- now she knew that it affected everything, it was such a struggle getting through the day.

There was only really one option open to her.

"Gaius…" she said, an uncharacteristic nervousness creeping into her voice.

"Are you feeling quite well? You don't look quite yourself," he asked, kindly.

Gwen smiled wanly. "I'm fine, only…I haven't been sleeping; I was wondering whether I could get a sleeping draught."

"Why, yes, of course- I think I've got one leftover in fact- let me check my shelves."

He walked over and quickly located and grabbed a small bottle which presumably contained the sleeping draught. Gwen always marvelled at how Gaius always seemed to be able to find things, fairly easily, amongst the chaos of his work room.

"Thank you," she said, as he handed her the bottle, the circumstances weren't ideal but she was glad that she could always count on him.

That night she took the potion, fully aware of how like Morgana this made her- and hating the connection. Still, she did it, because she didn't want those dreams- she just wanted to get a good night's sleep.

_She wakes up in Morgana's bed._

"_This isn't right," she says, out loud._

_She looks around and realised that nothing about it is right, that she's dreaming again._

"_Did you think you could get rid of me that easily? Really, Gwen, those sleeping potions never did anything for me, did you really expect that to work?"_

_Morgana's lying in the bed beside her, her face hard as diamond._

"_So it's not just my mind playing tricks on me?"_

"_No. And now you've accepted that it's time to move on from showing you. It's time to punish you," _

_Her smile is almost psychotic. _

**That's it for this chapter- the next one will pick up where this one left off (in the sense of continuing this dream), hopefully it won't be too long before the next chapter. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Into Action

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 3: Into Action

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fic!**

**Some not too explicit dream!sex in this one, so I'd suggest skipping the first part of this chapter if that's a problem to read. I'm raising the rating of this fic to M, anyways. **

_Gwen's eyes widen, unsure as to what Morgana will do next, the previous dreams hadn't exactly been pleasant- what could deliberate punishment from her be like? _

"_Morgana, can't we stop this? It's not too late."_

"_How are you going to stop me?"_

_There was no answer for that she could give. _

"_So it's decided then."_

_Morgana leans in and kisses Gwen. For punishment it is surprisingly soft. Gwen returns the kiss but doesn't deepen it, she's following Morgana's lead here because this isn't really her dream after all; it's Morgana's. Her skin feels like it's all aflame; she's melting like wax under her painfully gentle touch. She's always accepted all the love that she was given but she didn't even know that this was love that Morgana was expressing. _

_Morgana's eyes are bright, shining and Gwen wonders what sort of enchantment this might be, was this magick? If it was then she could almost understand Morgana's use of it, it felt like so beautiful, like nothing else. _

"_You are mine." Morgana's voice is full of hard edges. It sounds wrong in this world of soft blurred colours and perfumed sensation._

"_I belong to myself," Gwen murmurs, instinctively._

_Morgana shook her head. "That's the problem Gwen; you've always been someone else's girl. Your heart turned away from me, for a while, but I have you now. My dear brother thinks he has you but I'll never allow that to happen. He doesn't deserve you."_

_It is Gwen's turn to shake her head because she knows that not to be true; Arthur is a great man who is growing into a great King- most would say it was her, a mere servant girl, who was not enough for him. _

_Morgana toys with Gwen's hair, fondly, absently and it strikes Gwen that Morgana's cruelty is so childish, unformed, lacking in any real menace. It didn't make her any less frightening, in fact, it just made everything worse. Because Gwen knew Morgana before she became like this, she wasn't just some evil sorceress bent on destroying Camelot; she was the Lady Morgana, the woman who had risked everything for a young druid boy, who had stood up to injustice, who had held Gwen when her father had died. _

_How had Morgana got to this point? Gwen didn't know, she hadn't seen the sign until it was too late. No, if anything it was worse, because Gwen felt frightened for her, when she should have felt more frightened for herself. _

_She gasps as she feels Morgana's hands; creeping their way underneath her skirts, stroking her thigh, nails scraping the skin lightly, moving upwards. A small voice, like a white light, in the back of her mind was telling her that this needed to stop but it was only a very small objection that got lost in a swirl of colour. _

She could still feel Morgana's fingers inside her when she woke.

In the cold light of day, she just felt conflicted and confused about the whole affair. She eyed at the empty bottle resting on the stand by her bed. _Well that hadn't worked._ She just didn't know what to do now and she couldn't just leave it, she didn't know how she was going to face Arthur today.

But she had to get up; she didn't want to draw attention to herself, as having a day off would surely do. She managed to avoid speaking to Arthur for too long, in fact the day passed quickly- it didn't feel real, her dreams felt like true reality, not like this pale world.

She laid her head on her pillow, pensively, wondering what she could be in store for that night.

_She looks around, completely aware now that this is a dream; she hopes that the knowledge will help her to stay in control, to change the situation. She's in a hallway, full of mirrors, light beams everywhere. She turns around and of course the way back is shut to her. _

_She walks down the corridor because there's no where else to go, she has no choice but to move, because staying behind is no choice at all. She walks to the end to find that there are two paths now; one to the left, one to the right. Both are covered in mirrors, identical. Gwen pauses and takes the left, following the winding path until she reaches another junction. Her pace quickens and finds herself making decision after decision; she's in some sort of maze she realises. _

_She sees a faint shadow up ahead of her, flitting round the corner, deeper into the labyrinth. _

_She follows dutifully, never quite catching up._

"_Morgana? Is that you?"_

_Silence. A shadow does not speak._

"_I don't want to play games anymore."_

_She doesn't stop though and maybe she should. She feels like she's been chasing her forever, there seems to be no end to this path they are on. _

_She sees a glimmer of fire reflected in the mirror and that spurs her on. She marches forward, coming eventually to the heart of what had seemed like an eternal puzzle. There's no sign of the shadow now and Gwen wonders whether it's still wandering around, trying to escape this trap. _

_At the very centre there's a stone table and a cup- a silver goblet. Her steps are slow as she walks up towards it; she half expects something to grab at her, for Morgana to appear- imperial as ever. _

_She reaches out, tentatively, and takes the cup in both her hands. It's halfway filled with water and she can see her own blurred reflection. She brings the cup to her lips, allowing the water to lap up against them before drinking deeply of it. _

_It was like no water she had ever tasted, it was delicious and it seemed to quench a thirst deep inside. But the aftertaste was bitter. _

"_Come find me," a whisper startles her and she drops the cup, the water spilling onto the ground. _

She bolts awake, her heart pounding, breath heavy. She knew what she must do now. Even now she could feel Morgana calling to her and she knew that she would know where to find her if she looked.

"This is crazy, Gwen," she told herself, trying to talk herself out of it, but talking to yourself was hardly the mark of sanity either.

She'd made up her mind or Morgana had made it up for her. She was leaving Camelot. Tonight.

She started to pack her things, hastily, getting everything ready so she could relax a little. She was going to have to go through the day like nothing was wrong, there was no way she could tell Arthur where she was going, there was no way he'd let her- the whole thing seemed ludicrous even to her. She didn't even really know where she was going- she could just feel it, like a golden thread pulling her towards her destination. A spell of some sort she supposed.

No, she couldn't tell anyone.

**That's it for this chapter; hope you all enjoyed it! And in case I don't update before then, Merry Christmas/Winter Solstice and a Happy New Year! Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4: You Are Not Alone

Saccharine Torments 

Chapter 4: You Are (Not) Alone

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fic. **

**The title of this chapter comes from Neon Genesis Evangelion which I don't own either!**

As she prepared to leave, a thought hit her; what would people think had happened to her? If she just disappeared without telling anybody then they might be worried; Arthur would come looking for her, she knew that for sure. And she couldn't tell the truth, they would think she was crazy or try to cure her of the enchantment and not let her go. They might not understand that this might be the only way of getting to Morgana, of saving her from herself.

Because that was what she wanted; these dreams were just a cry for help. Gwen had always been an optimist- her father had after told her that she was too trusting. She believed in people and she had always believed in Morgana, she had been a good mistress; she had treated her as an equal rather than an inferior, she had taken care of her when her father had died.

Even now, she couldn't believe Morgana was truly evil; she had just lost her way.

Gwen was determined to find her, to follow their connection, and to bring Morgana back, restored to her former self. She knew it wouldn't be easy though, she didn't know where she was, or how long her journey would be. And that was why she couldn't afford to just disappear.

Struck by an idea, she took out a piece of parchment and started to write a letter that should explain her absence- at least to give her long enough to get a head start- it might all be the effect of the magick, but Gwen felt like this was her own choice rather than anything Morgana had forced her to do.

'I've received an urgent letter from my Cousin Elaine that requires me the ride for her home immediately, I'm sorry that I didn't have time to say goodbye. I shall be back as soon as possible.'

Gwen finished the letter and signed it, folding it and leaving it on her neatly made bed, knowing that whoever came looking for her would spot it and inform everyone of where she (supposedly) was. She only hoped it was convincing enough, she'd had to be vague, hoping that it would be more realistic that way (after all, if she had to rush off, then she would hardly have time to write an in depth synopsis of the situation).

Still, she did worry though, Elyan might worry about their Cousin and write to her himself, which would disprove her story. She just hoped that if it got to that, it would be too late and she would already have made her getaway. But mostly she worried about Arthur, he'd been through so much, her leaving felt like a betrayal of his trust- she was going straight to the sister who'd done just that. She'd hoped that she could help him but Morgana needed her so much more; Arthur was surrounded by friends, Morgana had no-one.

She couldn't stay with him out of a sense of obligation either.

Knowing that it was time to go, that it was now or never, she grabbed her pack and left her home, not knowing when she would return. The streets were quiet, the night air still, making Gwen all the more anxious. She stepped softly, not wanting to draw attention to herself; she didn't want to encounter anyone and have to explain herself.

Camelot was well guarded but its defence was not perfect. A single woman, on foot, could easily slip out like a shadow into the dark of the woods. She'd known she could do it but her heart had been pounding the entire time.

She tried to compose herself as she walked through the woods, trying to navigate with so little light, the stars as her only guide. She would walk until the nearest village and then buy a horse as soon as she could. She had enough food to last her through for a while but she would have to keep stocking up every so often. It would help if Morgana had told her where she was going, all she could feel was a general direction in which she should be travelling.

Again, she wondered whether this was a good idea; she could turn back now and it would be like this foolishness never happened. But she never seriously considered going back to Camelot; the compulsion to continue was just too strong in her.

She was tired; occasionally she could feel herself start to slip into dreams, even as she walked. The flicker of images would come upon her and she would have fight to keep her eyes from closing. Finally, when the village was sight, she allowed herself to rest beneath the trees, knowing that she would need all her strength for this journey. She would enter the village at first light.

Her eyes were barely closed a second before she found herself standing in the world of dreams; the surreal sensation all too familiar by now.

"_Well done, Gwen, you've taken your first steps," Morgana says, sounding less frightened, less bitter than she had done in previous visions. Her hair is loose and cascading in sensuous waves and she wears her most majestic, royal red gown. Everything about her stance says power, control; her face is smug, knowing. _

_Gwen reassures herself by telling herself that this is all an act, Morgana always could hide her emotions from the rest of the World, better than anyone else she knows. Gwen knows that this is a dangerous game she's playing but it's one that's worth it._

"_I'm coming for you," Gwen says, soothingly._

_Morgana throws her head back and laughs, imperiously. _

"_No, Gwen, you are coming to me. Like a fly into a spider's web; you are powerless to resist. I'm going to enjoy watching you struggle."_

"_I…"_

"_Don't speak; it's time you wake up."_

Gwen's eyelids fluttered open, her memory of where she was slowly returning to her. She felt no more well rested than when she had slept and she ached everywhere from sleeping on the ground. The dream had given her nothing but increased determination.

She hoisted herself up and walked into the village, quickly managing to sort out her supplies, and buying a horse (nearly bankrupting her in the process). She tried not to stop too long; she didn't want to give anyone a good look at her.

After she gained everything she needed, she was off, riding to wherever it was that her instincts told her. She just hoped that she had the strength to see this quest through.

Meanwhile back in Camelot…

"Gwen?" Merlin called, peeking his head around the door of her house. After receiving no answer, he entered, the letter on the bed catching his eye after scoping the room for a few minutes.

He opened the letter and begun to read. Somehow, he had an uneasy feeling about this. The letter was so brief and it wasn't like Gwen to just take off like this. Still, he could see no signs of a struggle or anything that would point to this being a kidnapping or anything like that. Everything seemed in order.

He folded the letter back up, leaving the room as it was, resolving to talk to Elyan to ask about this cousin of theirs. He was sure that everything was fine but it didn't hurt to check.

**That's it for this chapter; hopefully the next update won't be too far away! Oh and Happy New Year, everyone! Please review, I really appreciate all reviewers who have so far, and reviews give me the motivation to continue writing as well as helping me knowing what I'm doing right (or wrong). **


	5. Chapter 5: Damp

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 5: Damp

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

Arthur tapped his fingers on the table, irritably, his other hand propping up his head as he listened to his father's advisers (his for the time being) drone on at him about various 'crucial' affairs. He didn't even attempt to conceal his boredom although he knew that this was important, he just couldn't find it in him to concentrate; running and reforming a kingdom was turning out to be a strain, and it did not appear that his father's condition would improve any time soon. Gaius said that he might never recover after Morgana's betrayal, but Arthur didn't believe that- his father was a fighter; he wouldn't just give up all together. It would just take a while.

More than anything, he missed Gwen; she always knew how to make him feel better with her no-nonsense yet kind manner. He wondered how she was doing and when she would be back, she had been gone for a week now but it seemed like forever. He had sent a letter to her, Elyan had given him the address, but he had not yet received a reply. He hoped to hear from her soon.

Arthur wasn't the only one who was missing Gwen, Merlin watched Arthur from where he was standing in the corner (on hand in case Arthur needed anything) and noted the irritability and impatience that had been apparent in Arthur for the last few days. Even if Gwen hadn't been his friend, he still would have wanted her back in Camelot, if only to stop his master from being more of a prat than usual. He had other concerns too, he was trying to ignore the feeling of trepidation that had settled in his stomach, but he just had this sense that perhaps not everything was quite right somehow. There was such a thing as being too paranoid though, and after everything that had happened in Camelot, it was difficult to ever relax- it always seemed that danger was just around the corner.

Meanwhile…

Gwen dismounted her horse, now that she had reached yet another village. She had lost track of time on her journey, but she knew that in terms of days it had not been too long since she had left Camelot and yet it felt like a lifetime since she'd last been there. In the meantime it seemed like she had visited every village in Albion, they all started to seem the same to her possibly because she never stayed longer than she had to. She'd stay the night there tonight (wherever 'there' was, she hadn't a clue) and sleep in an inn for it was late and she'd not had good rest for a couple of nights (although Morgana might make sure that she wouldn't tonight either).

After she had paid for the room, stabled the horse, and brought the bags up, she immediately collapsed on the bed, completely exhausted. Her body felt numb, initially she had ached from head to toe, but now she could barely feel it. She was adapting to life on the road, but it was a slow process. She would never have chosen this life voluntarily; she wouldn't be here if not for the dreams that compelled her on.

Sometimes, she questioned why she was even doing this, even chasing after Morgana. She tried not to though; the only way she could get through this was by being resolute, focused. She knew that if she gave up that nothing would change and Morgana would still need saving from herself, Gwen wouldn't be able to live with herself if she abandoned her.

She tried not to think about all that she had left behind, about Camelot or Arthur. It would only distract her, make her worry for them and feel guilty about leaving like she had. She just put it aside in her mind, knowing that she would return with Morgana and all would be right.

Instead she cast her mind back to the times when she was younger, when she and Morgana had been inseparable, best friends. She still smiled when she recalled all the fun times they had shared and slowly she began to drift off to sleep…

_The sun shines brightly; it makes her feel lethargic, sleepy. Her bare feet are in the grass that covers the banks next to the gentle river that gleams in the light. She remembers this, this was five years ago. _

"_Morgana, are you sure that this is okay?" she says, as she had then. She remembers that she'd been concerned about just sitting around, when she should have been working._

_Morgana's in the shallow river, the water only reaches to half way up her calf. She's pulled her skirts up to mid-knee, and her hair is in a state of disarray but she looks beautiful, just less groomed than usual- she looks radiant, natural. Knowing what she does, the familiar scene seems all the more appealing. Oh, to return to times of such innocence…_

"_Don't worry, Gwen, I wanted to go to the river and you are doing your duty by accompanying me," she beams, her tone making it clear that really it's just two friends enjoying each others company, rather than mistress and servant. Gwen feels peaceful, for the first time in a while, happy to see Morgana's true smile again- it's been a long time since she's seen that, a devious smirk it's inferior replacement. _

_Morgana clambers out of the river and sits down beside Gwen. She's older now; this is the current Morgana, the spoiled Morgana. The sky's gone grey; the whole landscape looks desaturated, lifeless._

"_Do you remember?" she asks, calmly, almost wistfully._

"_Yes," Gwen replies, her voice hoarse. She's not afraid, she's seen Morgana enough times in her dreams that she's used to it, sometimes they almost have a civil conversation._

"_It can't be like this."_

"_I know," Gwen nods, gravely, because even if she saves her they can't go back to the time when it had never happened._

"_I made a mistake, treating you like a friend, I see that now. You're mine; I won't let anyone take what's mine from me again."_

_Gwen doesn't know what to say to that and she knows better than to argue with Morgana when she's like this._

"_I'm going now, I've got a busy day ahead of me," she eventually says, standing up, breaking the dream._

She awoke and collected her bags that she hadn't even bothered to unpack. She set off, as usual, wondering how long it would be before she really saw Morgana again.

Back in Camelot…

Arthur stared at the letter that he had received from Gwen's cousin, Elaine who was apparently baffled by the letter for Gwen that had been delivered to her house. Arthur couldn't believe what he was reading: Gwen hadn't been to Elaine's at all, Elaine wasn't even sick. Horrible scenarios were running through his mind, she must have been taken…she might even be dead…The mere thought of it gave him chills.

"Assemble the knights of Camelot, we're going after Gwen," he ordered, marching out of the room, knowing that this was all he could do for her.

**That's it for this chapter; many apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out (as usual school gets in the way of everything)! I hope the next one will not take so long to write. Please review; I really love hearing all your opinions!**


	6. Chapter 6: Transference

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 6: Transference

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

A couple of days later…

"_He's searching for you, you know?" Morgana says, a vicious smile on her lips, her tone mocking. "How could he not?"_

"_Arthur?" Gwen asks. She feels strangely unsure, doubtful._

"_Of course, our dear Prince is coming to rescue you from my clutches. But he won't find you, I've taken care of that, he and his tin soldiers are running round in circles, lost in the woods- chasing his own tail."_

"_Let them go."_

_Morgana smirks. "Oh no, I can't have him finding you. I would relax though, they're all perfectly safe. I'll let them go, eventually. But not now."_

"_If you do anything to harm them…"_

"_You'll do what? Face it, Gwen, you're powerless. You're just a poor downtrodden servant girl, so pathetically grateful for the meagre attention of Prince Arthur. It's enough to make me sick."_

"_I wouldn't expect you to understand, Morgana, not as you are now," Gwen answers; she knows that it's easier if she doesn't react to Morgana's taunts. Her body is tense though, sometimes in these dreams it's almost normal with Morgana, like old times. Other times, times like this, Morgana's full of cold rage- like she's in so much pain that she just has to spread it around to everyone else. _

_And Gwen feels ashamed, despite herself, that she didn't see the warning signs earlier._

"_There's nothing to understand, you don't see clearly, not like I do. But you will," she says, haughtily as she walks away. Her absence reveals a mirror that was hidden behind her all along, Gwen just hadn't known it was there._

_She walks towards it, tentatively, almost afraid of her own reflection. She flinches, as she brings her fingertips to brush the surface. The glass shatters as she does, shatters in her face._

She woke up, with the feeling of sharpness still upon her. She took deep breaths, slowly, until she calmed down so she could sort through the dream rationally. So, Arthur was looking for her, she didn't know how she felt about that. She never knew how she felt nowadays. She was worried for him, for all the knights, but not as much as she should be. It felt like he was worlds away, barely even real, she was just so focused on the task ahead.

Part of her did wish that someone would just save her- that everything would be easy again. But mostly, she felt determined, so see her self-appointed task through. She would save her friend- she'd promised herself that. She couldn't fight and she was no sorcerer, but Gwen knew how to be a friend- and a friend was what Morgana needed (even if she didn't know it).

She continued with her journey, but she wasn't sure how long she could take this, she hoped that she would find Morgana soon- then the real work would begin.

Meanwhile…

"Merlin, if we don't get out of this forest soon, I am going to hold you personally responsible," Arthur said, teeth gritted.

"Me? It's nothing to do with me. I would have thought the great Knights of Camelot would be able to read a map, but I guess brains aren't really your strong suit."

"You know, Merlin, you really are useless," Arthur grumbled.

Despite Arthur's act of being fine (complete with obligatory banter), Merlin could see that he was worried, more worried than he was letting on. Gwen was missing and the hunt was going no-where, the uncertainty of it all just made it more frightening. It seemed strange that they had gotten so lost; it seemed that no matter how far they walked in a straight line, the woods never seemed to end. Merlin could have sworn that he passed the same spot at least twice.

He was getting the sinking feeling that they weren't just lost, that magick was involved. He just hoped that he was wrong but he started to wrack his brain for a spell that would release them from this maze, just in case it was that they were under some enchantment.

There had to be something.

Meanwhile…

Gwen's horse stirred, seemingly unsettled by something. She looked around, cautiously. Nothing appeared to be out of order, so she continued to ride. Out of no-where an arrow flew through the air, spooking the horse. With a thud, Gwen fell down onto the ground, feeling the pain spasm through her side. But she got up, she couldn't afford to lay on the ground.

Men appeared from within the trees, brandishing weapons, bandits Gwen supposed. There were only four of them, but she was alone- with no weapons and no-one to help her. She tried to relax (as much as she could in that situation) but she could feel panic starting to engulf her. She only hoped that it was just money they were after.

She held up her hands, hoping to pacify them, to show that she was unarmed, and that she wasn't going to fight.

The largest man, the leader she supposed, leered towards her, menacingly. She flinched away, instinctively, as he reached for her purse.

If she was ever asked how it all happened, she wouldn't have been able to tell you. Everything happened so quickly, that she couldn't really believe it; it all just seemed like a blur.

All of a sudden, Gwen just became aware a bright light, light that, upon inspection, was emitting from her fingertips. Without any wish to do so, she moved her arms up, pointed towards the men- the light shooting from her hands knocking them down. Horrified, she realised that she was mouthing words in a language she didn't understand- the language of magick. She felt a puppet, powerless; it was like something evil had crawled inside of her. She shuddered in revulsion against what her doing.

The light faded and Gwen felt faint relief mixed in with the horror of what was happening. Feeling exhausted, she passed out, collapsing.

"I told you that you were mine."

**That's it for this chapter; next one up soon hopefully. I hope this chapter turned out okay; I'm not all that great at writing action. Review please!**


	7. Chapter 7: Castle of Thorns

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 7: Castle of Thorns

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

Gwen awoke from her dreamless state, eyes blurry, a dull pain throbbing in her head. As her vision returned to normal, she noticed her surroundings; she was in an unfamiliar room, one that was richly decorated. She could not recall how she got there, the confusion running though her was making her panicked. She sat up and tried to remember.

She furrowed her brow, sudden flashes coming to her- she had been travelling through the forest and those men had confronted her and then…and then…she had somehow used magick. Had that been real?

She quickly looked down at her hands. They looked no different than they ever had; there was no sign, no mark of anything having ever happened.

"You feel dirty, don't you?" It was Morgana's voice, melodious and unmistakable. Gwen watched as Morgana stepped out of the shadows, how long she had been standing there Gwen didn't know.

"Morgana…"

"The magick belonged to me," she explained, without being asked.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" Gwen asked, it's half a question, half a statement. It doesn't feel like a dream but in some ways, it seemed even more surreal.

"No, you're really here. I brought you to this Castle; you couldn't make it on your own," Morgana said, a hint of a genuine smile actually on her face.

"I see. And what do you intend to do with me?" She was trying so hard to keep her dignity, reminding herself that Morgana was dangerous, unstable. But she wasn't really afraid, because for everything that she had done, she was just _Morgana_. The same Morgana whose hair she had braided hundreds of times, the same Morgana she had clung to when her father had died, the same Morgana she…she…fell in love with.

She hadn't realised until now, possibly the most inopportune moment; she had no time to think it over, to consider what it might mean, she needed to focus.

"I'm going to keep you here, I haven't decided about the rest." Her facial expression veered between cunning and thoughtful. "I'll leave you alone for now, I'll come by later with some food."

She then turned abruptly and left, locking the door behind her, leaving Gwen on her own with her thoughts.

The more she went over everything, the more she felt confused, like her thoughts were a knot that she just couldn't untangle, and she was caught in the middle of it all.

She was hardly thrilled about being kept like a pet, but she was also just glad that she was there, that she had the chance to help Morgana somehow. Still, she felt somewhat disappointed that she hadn't made it on her own terms. Then there was the fact that she didn't even know whether she could help, or how she could help, Morgana was a mess.

Which made the fact of Gwen loving her even more problematic than it was already.

'_What about Arthur?' _she kept thinking, it suddenly dawning on her that she hadn't really thought about him that much at all recently. A feeling of guilt settled itself at the base of her stomach. He needed her; he'd as much as said so himself, it wouldn't be fair to just abandon him. She was just so sick of being fickle, of thinking she knew what she wanted, only to discover that she didn't anymore. She just wanted to be good, not some callous heartbreaker.

And how could she be good? To know that she was attracted to Morgana, Morgana who had attempted murder, Morgana who had plotted Camelot's downfall. The thought that she would chose her captor, over good and innocent Arthur made her feel sick to her stomach.

But she knew that she would. It was really the only thing she felt sure of, which wasn't particularly promising.

Having nothing better to do, she crawled back into bed, hoping to quiet the noise in her head with sweet slumber. But when sleep offered no respite, for when she dreamed, she dreamt of Morgana. When she woke she wondered whether it was another dream that Morgana had planted there or just the work of her own subconscious.

The uncertainty was dizzying; it was as if she had walked out of her life and into some unfamiliar nightmare world.

Morgana knocked on the door.

"I brought some food," she said, coldly. Gwen was used to this; she'd seen her icy expression so many times before, but it still hurt to see her so numb to the world.

"Thank you," Gwen said, quietly, mostly out of habit. Her voice still felt sore.

Morgana didn't reply, but she didn't leave either. Under her stare, Gwen started to eat, feeling acutely uncomfortable. It was like her eyes were boring holes into the side of her head.

She promptly finished her bread and cheese, washing it down with some water.

"You don't have to keep me like a prisoner," Gwen said, not knowing what Morgana's response would be.

"After your betrayal, how can I trust you? You've told me you were on my side before, Gwen." Morgana's voice was still full of cold anger.

Gwen didn't have anything to say to that, she had done what she thought was right, she wasn't going to apologise.

"So you see why I have to keep you like this," Morgana continued, before leaving Gwen again.

Meanwhile…

"I can't believe we are still in this forest," said Arthur, purposely avoiding the word lost, Prince Arthur did not get lost. "Do you remember what I said, Merlin, about if we didn't exit the forest soon?"

"Nope!"

"I said that I would hold you personally responsible."

"Right…" Merlin said, not taking Arthur's idle threats seriously at all. He was more than used to this. Still, Arthur had a point, without knowing it. Responsibility for getting them out of this mess did lie in Merlin's hands, as usual, which was the problem as Merlin had no idea what to do about it. He'd tried several spells but nothing had worked. If only he had his books or Gaius to consult with…

With that, an idea popped up into his mind, he was surprised he hadn't thought of it before. He would call Kilgharrah and ask for his assistance.

He waited until it was dark and the Knights were asleep and slipped away, climbing a tree far from where the others were sleeping. From the top of the tree he spoke his words, hoping the dragon would come in this hour of need…

**That's it for this chapter; I hope you all enjoyed it! Review please!**


	8. Chapter 8: No More Flowers

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 8: No More Flowers

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

**Chapter title is taken from the Cherbourg song of the same name (which I don't own either) - check it out, it's a great song!**

Merlin watched as Kilgharrah swooped down from the sky, landing gracefully before him. It was strange that such a sight had become almost common-place to him.

"It seems you need my help again, Merlin," he stated, scornfully.

It was only to be expected, but Merlin was in no mood for his reluctant act- he'd seen it all too many times before. It was a good job that Kilgharrah usually came through in the end despite his grumblings.

"I do. We're going round in circles in this forest, it's an enchantment of some sort, but I don't know how to break it," Merlin replied, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"You are weak, young warlock, if you can not break even this spell. It is the witch's doing and if only you had headed my warnings then you would never have been placed in this situation."

"It was Morgana?" Merlin asked, sounding surprised, despite already having suspected as much himself. "I know all that, I can't change what happened, just tell me how to get out of this forest- my friend may be in danger."

Kilgharrah cocked his head to one side, arrogantly, considering Merlin's words.

"Very well, young warlock, I will tell you how to destroy the witch's enchantment. I only hope that in future, you will heed my advice. The solution is a simple incantation: _At bod freed chan yn caethiwo_. Say the words at sunrise and you will be free from the spell."

Merlin nodded, silently mouthing the words several times to make sure that he could memorise them. He hoped this would work; he wasn't sure what else he could try if it didn't.

"Thank you," he told Kilgharrah, grateful that he had been able to get the information without having to bargain.

"Well, you and Arthur couldn't fulfil your destinies trapped in a forest could you?" he noted wryly, before flying off into the night sky. It was still quite a while before sunrise, which was good in a way though, it gave Merlin the opportunity to practice the incantation before sunrise- he had to get this right.

As it began to get light, he started to repeat the words.

"_At bod freed chan yn caethiwo, At bod freed chan yn caethiwo," _he chanted, feeling the magick flow through him. Eventually, he felt the enchantment lift from the air, with a sudden rush of freedom.

He beamed with success, the sun shining on his face as if to congratulate him further. His satisfaction lasted only a few moments longer when he realised that now the sun was up, Arthur and the Knights would be too, and they would be wondering where he was.

He sprinted back to camp to find Arthur pacing around, irritably.

"There you are! You bone-headed idiot, where have you been?" he said, at the sight of Merlin.

"Just went for a walk," Merlin smiled at him.

"Why are you so happy?" Arthur asked, suspiciously.

"No reason, anyway, we better get a move on!" Merlin replied, innocently.

Meanwhile…

Gwen awoke to blinding sunlight entering through the (firmly locked) window. Normally she would be cheered by such a beautiful day but now it seemed almost like a mockery. She was trapped here and she was beginning to feel claustrophobic, even her own mind seemed crowded. But even as much as she wanted to get out into the fresh air, she couldn't really say that she hadn't wanted this to happen. Despite being held prisoner, she wanted to be with Morgana; she wouldn't trade this for her comfortable experience back in Camelot, she had work to do here.

Because even though it may have seemed that she had betrayed Morgana, her earliest loyalties had always been with Morgana, her heart lay with her.

It wasn't long before Morgana appeared and she seemed in a brighter mood to Gwen's eye, not happy, but less hardened than she had been the day before.

"Good morning," Gwen said, automatically. As stupid as it may have sounded, she thought it best to deal with Morgana pleasantly, after all, how else could she win her trust back? Trust was essential if she wanted to bring Morgana back to the side of light.

Morgana nodded, not entirely convinced. "Is there anything you would like?"

It was a strange role-reversal; Gwen had asked Morgana the same question so many times over the years. Of course, Morgana was anything but a maidservant as you could tell even from her ramrod straight posture, her head held high and proudly.

"No, there's nothing…wait…perhaps I could take a walk? Under supervision of course…I'd just like some fresh air," Gwen said, realising half way through that her request might seem like an attempt to escape.

"That can be arranged, I'll show you around the gardens after lunch," Morgana said, coolly, raising one eyebrow. She knew there was no chance of escape for Gwen, the place was too well guarded and Gwen had no-one that could possibly help her; that Gwen would even think there was a possibility of an escape was laughable. It would be a test of sincerity, almost like the one that Gwen had failed during Morgana's short rule as Queen of Camelot.

Morgana didn't give second chances often but she had known Gwen since she was very young and she was important to her- both then and now.

The opportunity to steal something from Arthur wasn't exactly a disincentive either.

After she had brought Gwen her lunch, Morgana led her through various corridors and passageways in order to exit the Castle- this was Gwen's first journey out of her room since she had been captured, and walking, she knew that even if she had managed to get out of her room, there was little chance that she would be able to make it out of the Castle (even if there weren't any guards) due to the sheer complexity of its layout.

Although she supposed Camelot had looked like that to her once too, before she learnt its ins and outs.

The gardens were beautiful, a little unkempt, but still beautiful- there was a wildness, a naturalness, to the plants that grew here, so different to the ones that were so perfectly managed by the gardeners in Camelot.

Gwen stopped to smell some exotic looking purple flowers; the heady scent was pleasant to her after having been on the road for such a long time.

"I remember when you used to bring me flowers," Morgana said, smiling sadly. It was moments like this, small moments, that gave Gwen hope that Morgana could be redeemed; that the old Morgana, the compassionate Morgana, was still in there despite the cloak of evil that she had wrapped around herself.

"I remember too, I liked bringing you flowers," she said, trying to be as gentle with her as possible. The slightest thing could get Morgana's guard up again.

Morgana leaned forward and sniffed the flower too, her face now only inches away from Gwen's own- intoxicatingly close. Without even the slightest hesitation, Gwen moved closed and brushed Morgana's lips with her own. Their first real kiss and for that moment, it was everything Gwen had dreamed of, entirely different to kissing Arthur.

Morgana pushed her back, shattering Gwen's perfect moment entirely. Her fact had return to its stony mask and her eyes were bright with suspicion.

"No, you don't get to me that way," she said, taking Gwen's wrist and escorting her forcefully back inside.

**That's it for this chapter. Sorry it took a little while, I've just had school stuff to be dealing with. Also, apologies for the large chunk of Merlin at the beginning of the chapter- obviously I prefer writing the Morgana/Gwen parts but his bit was sort of necessary for the story. Please review; I'd love any feedback you could give me.**


	9. Chapter 9: Small Steps

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 9: Small Steps

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

**These chapters just keep getting further and further apart, don't they? Sorry about that, my motivation to write has been kind of depleted recently.**

After that kiss it had all gotten worse again, Morgana had been even more guarded if that was even possible. She barely visited Gwen apart from what was strictly necessary. Despite this, Gwen often had the odd sensation that she wasn't alone, that she was being watched; that Morgana was watching her somehow. She didn't know much about magick beyond King Uther's speeches about how dangerous it was, she wasn't sure exactly what it could and couldn't do, but she had her suspicions that she wasn't just being paranoid about being observed through unnatural means. Not that there would be much to see, just Gwen sitting there in her room- sleeping, eating and reading (a stack had just appeared when she had woken up one morning, like it had always been there).

The quietness of her everyday life just gave her chance to think about everything, to analyse everything in minute detail. Gwen just kept replaying the kiss in her mind, in itself the memory was pure sweetness, but the aftertaste was entirely bitter. She may not have known much about the old religion, but she knew that it wasn't possible that Morgana could read her mind- if she had she would realise that Gwen's actions were so far from being part of an elaborate scheme to escape, she'd know that Gwen's feelings for her were genuine, she'd know how noisy it was getting in Gwen's head.

She thought of Camelot sometimes, she'd look out the window at the pure white clouds and she'd be reminded. In a way she longed to go back there, to return home, Camelot was really the only home she'd ever known. She thought back on everything that had happened there in the recent past; her father's death, Uther's persecutions and so many attacks from sorcerers seeking their revenge. Then she'd think about the shining future she saw for Camelot under Arthur's leadership (she might not be in love with him but she still believed in him unconditionally), and a time where peace might prevail. And try as she might she couldn't quite see where Morgana would fit into that. Instead, she retraced all her most ancient memories of when Morgana was good and they were best friends and everything was easy.

No, she wouldn't return to Camelot unless Morgana was there, by her side. Resolve strengthened, she vowed that things around here were going to change.

"I want you to stop locking me in my room," she said, assertively, the next time she saw Morgana.

"There are lots of things that I want, doesn't necessarily mean that I get them," Morgana retorted, sharply. She couldn't stand Gwen's 'Future Queen of Camelot' attitude- she was a former maidservant and a prisoner, she should know that it was Morgana who held all the power in this situation and that she was in no position to be making demands of any kind.

Gwen softened her tone. "Surely there's some sort of spell you could do to prevent me from escaping. Please, I can't stand being locked in this room for much longer."

"I'll think about it," Morgana said, Gwen's pleading giving her that rush of control she relished. She'd found that you couldn't trust anyone, that a person's feelings could never truly be known, that's why you had to stay in control- because unless you had something on them, then there was no way that they would do what you wanted.

She knew what her answer would be already, the place was already spelled, there had never been any real need for Gwen to be confined to one room, she just wanted to make Gwen wait for it. She knew all about how Arthur had made Gwen wait whilst he floundered back and forth.

The next day…

Morgana opened the door to Gwen's room, lingering in the doorway rather than entering the room as usual.

"Fine, you may leave the room at any time you wish," she said, affecting a tone of superiority- she was giving Gwen her freedom, freedom that could just as easily be taken away.

"Thank you," Gwen replied, her eyes lighting up, as she walked towards the door in order to exit the room she had been sitting in for so many days. She was stopped, however, by Morgana's body was still securely blocking her path.

Morgana leaned in close to Gwen, until she was barely an inch away from her. "I have given you the gift of my faith; you had better not abuse my trust."

Gwen nodded, looking Morgana straight in the eyes so that she would know that she was sincere. Despite everything, she was overcome with the overwhelming desire just to kiss Morgana again, right there and then. The very fact of her standing so close was sending waves of heat throughout Gwen's body and it was almost as if she couldn't breathe, she was so overcome with treacherous desire.

But Morgana broke the moment by stepping aside, giving Gwen her exit that until just a minute ago, she had been so desperate for. Morgana walked off and Gwen wondered whether she should follow. In the end, she decided against it, Morgana hadn't requested that she come with her and she was entirely too flustered to deal with her rationally.

Instead she wandered the corridors until it was late, looking into all of the rooms (most of which were empty). The Castle was undoubtedly grand but it was no Camelot, Camelot had its own sense of rhythm, a pulse. This was a ghost town.

After several hours of aimless wandering, she found Morgana's room, entirely by fortuitous accident. Morgana was already in bed, asleep, and Gwen was struck by both the familiarity and the unfamiliarity of the image. She wasn't convulsing or screaming like she used to but it was clear her sleep was far from peaceful. It wasn't the dreams that troubled her anymore; it was the nightmares that she made real from her own fear.

Gwen went over to her side, abandoning all reason, drawn there by Morgana's obvious need. Instinctually, she reached over and begun to stroke Morgana's silky hair, soothingly.

Morgana's eyes opened.

**That's it for this chapter; I hope that you enjoyed it! And hopefully the next chapter won't take quite as long. Please review; reviews help keep me motivated!**


	10. Chapter 10: Tangled Hearts

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 10: Tangled Hearts

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

**Chapter dedicated to DoubleMMia to make up for being evil with where I ended my last chapter!**

She stared at Gwen with the look of someone who could not entirely believe what they were seeing. Like Gwen was a mirage of some sort, taunting her with everything that she could no longer have; comfort, friendship and…love. She'd never even had Gwen's love to begin with and it had eaten away at her for years. Slowly, it had begun to drive her mad, her cruel ignorance started to get to her. The mere fact that Gwen, who seemingly had no power, could bring her down so low, it was unbearable.

"Gwen?" her tone was just like that of any normal person on awakening from sleep, muffled and unguarded.

"Yes, my lady?" Gwen replied, automatically, although the words weren't quite right for this scene.

She winced as Morgana grabbed her hands roughly, clutching them so tightly, like Gwen was the only thing left to hold onto in this world, like her life depended on it. Gwen's heart beat wildly with hope against hope.

For a moment Morgana didn't answer just stared, then she brought up Gwen's captured hand and pressed her lips to it, in a kiss that was far more sensuous than an innocent kiss on the hand should be. Gwen didn't even try to resist or shy away, she was entirely immobile, she merely closed her eyes, allowing passion to wash over her.

"_This is power,"_ Morgana thought, as she jerked Gwen's arm towards her, pulling her onto the bed and into a violent lip-lock. Their first kiss had been Gwen's style: gentle and romantic, but their second belonged entirely to Morgana.

She switched their positions, putting herself on top, enjoying the sight of Gwen below her, so yielding and wide-eyed. Morgana wasn't sure whether it was adoration or fear she saw in Gwen's eyes, perhaps a little of both.

This was what she needed, what she craved.

Slowly, deliberately, she started to unlace Gwen's dress…

Later…

When Gwen awoke it was still dark, she bolted up, confusedly- unsure as to where she was for a disorientating second. Then she remembered and turned her head to look upon Morgana, whose legs were tangled up with her own. She was still asleep, deeply asleep, or so it appeared. It made Gwen's heart swell just looking at her love, and she wished she could just stay there forever.

But as much as Gwen was swept off in the romance of it all, she was still a practical woman; she knew that Morgana might not welcome her presence in the harsh light of day.

Slowly, so as not to wake her, she slid out of the bed, picking up her dress from where it had been flung on the floor and quietly putting it back on before taking one last look at Morgana before exiting and somehow finding her way back to her own room and into her own bed. As she lay there, hope fluttered anxiously within her; this could be the breakthrough she had been looking for, couldn't it? It was with these thoughts in her mind that she started to drift into the world of dreams.

Morgana had not been as asleep as she had appeared; she had been watching Gwen with one eye barely open, watched as she left. She wondered, was it shame that prompted Gwen to leave in such a hurry? She had known Gwen so well in the past, back when her loyalties were unquestioned, now she found herself questioning every single action taken by the other woman.

And as satisfied as she was from the encounter, there was still something else she craved. But instead of pondering that, she closed her eyes again and found herself falling back to sleep.

_Morgana walked down the beach, staring out to the seemingly infinite sea and its gentle blue-grey waves. She picked up a flat rock; the kind Arthur had taught her to skim with when they had visited the sea as children. This one was almost perfectly smooth, she turning it over in her hands, before just throwing it into the ocean- making no attempt to skim it over the waves. _

_She became aware of someone standing behind her, watching her. She spun around, sharply, to see who dared sneak up on her._

_And low and behold, it was none other than Gwen._

"_What are you doing, Morgana?" Gwen asked, kindly, all too kindly._

"_Nothing, nothing at all," she replied, turning away from her. She eyed the sea, which had somehow grown rough and stormy in that short spell of time since Gwen's arrival, and felt oddly drawn to it. Stripping down to the shift underneath her dress, she started to wade in until she was waste deep in the icy water. _

"_Are you coming?" she called back to Gwen, not even bothering to turn around._

_Gwen walked towards the water, the toes of her bare feet just touching the water, hesitating at that edge between sand and sea. Morgana continued, submerging herself completely. She began to struggle as she started to drown, her arms waving frantically as salt water violated her mouth. She had gone willingly and now she was trapped there, she could feel the breath inside her grow less and less…_

"_Morgana!" Gwen screamed from the shore, inaudible to Morgana's ears. She started to run into the waves after Morgana, hoping to catch her before it was too late…_

Both Gwen and Morgana awoke with a start, sweating and shaking. The two of them were used to bad dreams by now but that dream was different.

'_What has she done? What has she done to me?'_ Morgana thought frantically, knowing that for once, she had not been the one in control of their shared dreams.

**Yay, I actually completed this chapter quite quickly! Please review (I know from my traffic that people are reading but just not commenting). **


	11. Chapter 11: An Unwanted Reunion

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 11: An Unwanted Reunion

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

Ever since the enchantment had been broken, Arthur, Merlin and the Knights of Camelot had managed to move forward and escaped the endless circular path they had been trapped on. Although you wouldn't know it from Arthur's mood, rough living or, more accurately, separation from Gwen, was making him tetchy and irritable and of course he just had to take it out on Merlin.

"Idiot," he said, lightly slapping Merlin around the head as he walked past.

"What was that for?" Merlin objected, loudly. He couldn't say he was in the best of moods either, but unlike the Prince, he couldn't get away with insulting everyone around him for no apparent reason.

"For being an idiot, come on, let's pick up the pace," said Arthur, starting to sprint.

Merlin groaned, he was sore all over from all the activity, he didn't think he had it in him to walk let alone run. Still, he had to try. It was times like this, he wished he didn't have to hide his magick, it would have been so much easier to have just called Kilgharrah and flown to wherever it was that Gwen had been taken, he'd even take listening to one of the dragon's lectures over having to deal with Arthur and his perpetual state of grumpiness.

Little did he know that their journey was almost over. Twenty minutes later and Sir Leon stopped them all, pointing up at something in the distance.

"Isn't that a castle?"

"I think that's where Gwen is," Merlin said, feeling the aura of Morgana's magick radiating strongly from the Castle in waves, making him feel nauseous.

"How do you know that?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

"Intuition!" Merlin answered, brightly, falsely.

Arthur continued too look at him with an expression of disbelief. "I wouldn't trust your intuition even if it were life and death, Merlin, but we'll approach as if they were the enemy all the same. We don't know who is up there."

The knights nodded, following Arthur as he set off in the direction of the castle.

Meanwhile…

Morgana was completely unaware of the advancement that the Knights of Camelot were making on her castle; in fact she wasn't even aware that her spell to keep them occupied had been broken by Merlin days ago. She still had not mastered her powers to their full extent (much to her frustration) and she was used to having more back-up than this, normally Morgause was always there to assist her whenever she faltered. She missed her a lot, both for the advice and for the company. But that couldn't be helped; Morgause was far, far away, under the care of a healer.

Morgana was on her own now, she had to be strong, and yet somehow she'd let Gwen gain a strange power over her, a power that wasn't magickal but emotional. No, in fact, nothing was going to plan at all; she'd brought Gwen here to be her captive not to find herself captivated by Gwen. Power was slipping from her grasp all over again and there seemed to be nothing she could do about it.

She'd used the dreams, the dreams that had been her plague for years, against Gwen but somehow, last night, Gwen had managed to get the upper hand in that too. She just didn't understand it, on the surface Gwen was perfectly ordinary- a servant with no magick powers to speak of- and yet there was something within her that drew both her and Arthur. She would have to play rough again if she wanted to get back control, she'd been too lenient with the girl, she'd been weak and allowed her feelings to get the better of her.

She knocked, harshly, on Gwen's door, not waiting for her response before barging in- this was her castle and she would be damned if she would let Gwen treat it like her own home.

"Morgana…" Gwen said, eyes wide, looking perfectly innocent.

"What was that? Last night, the dream, what did you do?" she could hear the desperation in her own voice, so far away from the emotionless mask of control that she had taught herself to wear at all times. She was really losing it now.

Gwen just looked back at her confusedly. "I didn't do anything! You know that I know nothing of magick, couldn't your spell have backfired?"

Morgana shook her head insistently. "No, that's impossible, it was _you._"

Gwen stepped forward, laying a hand gently on Morgana's arm to reassure her. "It'll be fine, I promise."

She couldn't say she was sorry to see Morgana show some emotion, as much as she hated to see her former mistress in pain, she believed this was a sign that she was getting to her- that she broken through the walls that Morgana had placed around her heart.

Morgana allowed herself to be calmed by Gwen's momentarily, before realising that she was falling into a trap again. More agitated than ever, she snatched her arm away as if Gwen's soft touch had seared her flesh.

"Please, Morgana, let me help you," Gwen persisted. Despite the fact that her eyes were starting to well with tears, she was standing firm.

"I don't need your help, you're the one locked up here, I kidnapped you!" Morgana said, affecting a hard voice but knowing that her façade was crumbling around her. Unwilling to let herself be exposed even more; she stormed out, leaving Gwen to again wonder when things would be back to normal again.

Gwen didn't have much time to herself though, soon after her confrontation with Morgana, she heard a strange sound at the window. Walking over there, she was confronted by Merlin's face grinning up at her from outside.

For a moment she just gaped at him in horror. Anxiously, he gestured for her to open the window which begrudgingly she did, pulling him in- he was somewhat clumsy, she expected that if she hadn't he would have ended up falling to his death.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed, unable to completely contain her irritation.

Unfortunately, Merlin could be fairly oblivious to such things as tone and body language.

"Arthur sent me, he thought it would be best if I went in first." He grinned. "We're here to rescue you!"

**That's it for this chapter; I'm sorry it took a while again! I appreciate all reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12: Chaos and Stubbornness

Saccharine Torments 

Chapter 12: Chaos and Stubbornness

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

"Merlin, you have to go, now," she burst out, in irritation. He was a dear friend but right at this moment she could have strangled him, if Arthur and the others came blundering in it could destroy every scrap of progress she had made with Morgana.

"Don't worry, you'll be safe now, we can more than deal with Morgana," he said, missing the point as he was prone to do.

"Merlin, I'm going to put this to you very simply, I do not need or want rescuing. I want to be here," she said, assertively but politely.

A look of confusion crossed Merlin's face for a moment but then it looked as if something had clicked; Gwen hoped this meant that he would kindly send Arthur and the Knights in the opposite direction and leaving Gwen to her business.

But she was to be disappointed. "You're under a spell," he said, knowingly.

"No, I'm not," she protested.

He quickly put a hand on her forehead to check her temperature. "No fever, so it must be a spell used to keep you here."

Before she could stop him, he rushed to the window and gave some sort of signal to the others to enter the Castle.

"Don't," she protested, once it was already too late.

"Don't worry, we'll get you out of here," Merlin said, slowly, as if he were speaking to someone struck by temporary insanity. "Arthur and the others are entering the Castle by the back entrance; hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to escape from here!"

Merlin's optimism was grating.

He grabbed her hand, sensing that she wouldn't be going anywhere of here own free, and dragged her along through the corridors, stopping to hide unnecessarily every few minutes.

She too was worrying about getting caught but the source of her worry was entirely different. She knew how having Arthur, Merlin and everyone coming to rescue her would look to Morgana. Morgana would never trust her again; she would ignore all her attempts to explain that this wasn't her idea, she'd never believe that she had wanted to stay or that her feelings were genuine.

The only possible chance would be to find Morgana first. Waiting for her moment, she managed to break away from Merlin and start running in an entirely opposite direction.

Merlin was about to shout after her but thought better of it, he didn't want Morgana to hear. He started to jog after her, but Gwen had gotten a good lead and running wasn't exactly his strong suit.

She kept on running, not even daring to look behind her to see whether Merlin was following her. She tried to think, think logically about where Morgana might be and what the quickest path to her might be, but she ended up running blindly along the corridors, her breath heavy from running and panic.

"Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed, having gotten into the Castle and randomly come across him in the search. "Where's Gwen?"

"Ah, well…" Merlin started, somewhat nervously.

"Well, what?" Arthur said, a dangerous tone in his voice.

"I had her but she…escaped…" he gulped.

"You lost her!" Arthur snapped. "You complete idiot!"

"She'd enchanted, she thinks she wants to stay here," Merlin said, waving his hands in a gesture of helplessness.

Arthur gave an exasperated sigh. "Come on, we don't have time to waste here, we've got to get her back."

He started to sprint and Merlin, reluctantly, followed.

Gwen was not having any luck finding Morgana, there were so many rooms in the castle, she could have been anywhere. Coming round a corner she managed to run head first into someone running in the opposite direction, there was a 'smack' and she fell down to the floor, rubbing her head.

When she looked up, she saw Lancelot in a similar position on the floor, rubbing his head also.

"We're here to rescue you," he whispered, as if there was need for great secrecy.

"So I've heard, but listen, as grateful as I am for this-"

"We don't have time now, we have to get out of here," he interrupted her, offering her a hand to get up off the floor.

She took the hand that was offered to her but she wasn't going to be dragged along.

"Lancelot, I want to stay. I'm not being heroic or selfless, I just really want to stay here with Morgana," she said, standing her ground.

He was surprised by her statement and tempted to write it off as Merlin had, but something about her expression made him consider that she might be telling the truth.

"Why?"

"There's not the time to explain but please believe me."

He faltered, searching her face. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, finally.

"Please, just go before Morgana discovers that you're all here," Gwen pleaded, unwilling to entertain the thought that Morgana already knew about the intruders in her Castle.

He couldn't say that he was entirely convinced; it went against all his instincts to just leave her there.

"Why don't we find Morgana together, it wouldn't hurt to talk to make sure that everything is fine," he suggested, naively.

"She won't like it."

"Well, I can't leave you here with a clear conscience unless I'm sure there's nothing sinister going on," he persisted.

She knew that she couldn't convince him anymore that he (or any of the others) could convince her.

"If we find her, let me speak first," she ordered, at least that way she'd prevent him from making any obvious blunder besides his mere presence there.

But look as they might they could not find her, Gwen could just sense that something strange was happening in the Castle; there were moments when she could have sworn she saw Morgana from the corner of her eye but when she turned she was not there. The found themselves drawn into a large room containing a long rectangular table; Merlin and Arthur had also somehow found their way there.

"Gwen," Arthur breathed, sounding relieved and overjoyed. He dashed forward to hug her and she felt so safe in his arms that for a moment she felt the slightest twinge of regret that it had to be over between them. But she knew that safe was the easy answer and not the right one. It had been safe choice getting involved with him because she had no real romantic feelings towards him because he couldn't really hurt her when all she felt was a strong, but almost sisterly, affection towards him. She had come to suspect that she'd almost been a substitute for the mother that he had never known, she felt almost sure that the separation wouldn't break his heart. She desperately hoped that she was right about this.

The other knight began to filter in through the doors, her brother also going to hug her upon spotting her.

"Not to be a kill joy but isn't it a bit strange that we all ended up here?" Sir Leon pointed out.

"I brought you here, of course," Morgana said, suddenly appearing through the last door, entirely composed and entirely in control again, wearing a crown upon head.

She sat down at the head of the table, her face expressionless, apart from the almost psychotic glint in her eye.

"Sit down," she commanded, speaking to the entire room as if she weren't in the slightest bit fazed by the appearance of so many adversaries.

To Gwen's surprise they sat.

**Sorry about how long it took to get this chapter, I had A-level exams. Hopefully, now that they are over, I will be updating more frequently, I'm determined to get this fic finished before Uni. Review please!**


	13. Chapter 13: The Killing Game

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 13: The Killing Game

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

**Warning: this chapter is quite dark compared to some of the others. **

Gwen watched open mouthed as they all sat down in unison, like puppets on a string. From the expressions plastered all over the knight's faces she could tell that it was the last thing they had wanted to do, Arthur had looked all set to murder Morgana- this was some sort of spell, Gwen could guess that much. She hastily sat down herself, not wishing to draw attention to herself by being the only one besides Morgana left standing.

Arthur's face was twitching, strained in effort, as he tried to will his muscles to move but to no avail. He simply could not get up.

"What have you done to me?" he snarled, practically spitting in the direction of the woman he had considered a sister.

"You always were selfish," Morgana said, a cruel smile twisting her lips. "You're all in this predicament but all you can think to ask about is yourself. Is that what a just King does?"

Her tone was slow, casual, designed perfectly to aggravate him. His face twisted further as he struggled to get up out of his seat, overwhelmed by the desire to strike her but unable to move even an inch out of his seat.

Morgana's laugh echoed eerily in the hall.

"It's not too late you know, you can stop this," Merlin said, speaking slowly as if to a mad person or a child, all the while rummaging through his brain for some spell to sort to free them all. He'd given up on believing that Morgana could change long ago.

"And now it's Merlin's turn to play the peacemaker, I suppose I should be grateful that you've offered me the chance to reform and go back to being a mere ornament at court; to go back to a Kingdom that executes people simply for being what they are, I think not," she said, mockingly. "You can't bargain with me, you have nothing that I want."

"Then why lure us here? You knew when you took Gwen that we'd have to come after you," Arthur asked, exasperated. He was sure that this was all a plot to try and steal the throne of Camelot again, which was bad enough, but the drawn-out way she was going about it just made it all the worse.

Morgana raised an eyebrow but did not, for now, correct his basic assumption that she had somehow kidnapped Gwen. As usual, Arthur had come blundering in, unaware of even the most basic of facts. She would have so much fun telling him everything that had happened between him and his beloved, _later._

She wasn't done with this scene yet. She had as much time as she wanted.

"Because I want you to _suffer_," she said, some of her old bitterness leaking through momentarily before smiling and shrugging it off. The wounds of the past were as nothing now that she had them all in her power.

Gwen was sitting silently, watching and listening intently. Seeing Morgana go right back to her villainous ways, seemingly wiping clear any progress they had made whatsoever, was breaking her heart. She told herself not to lose hope, that there could be a happy ending out there somewhere for everyone, but her faith was flagging; she just couldn't see how this could possibly end well for any of them. Was the old Morgana really still in there, or had she been lying to herself all along? The thought that she might love a complete monster was too horrific to even comprehend and yet, despite all this, she did love and it felt like shards of glass ripping her chest open from the inside, allowing the same madness that had overtaken Morgana to infect her too. It felt strangely similar to the time that Morgana had channelled her magick through Gwen's hands, like one of those strange dreams that they had shared.

Morgana herself was quiet for a moment, considering what she should do next; she was spoiled for choice, she could do anything she wanted.

"Let me see, let me see," she said, pacing round the table, inspecting each of the Knights carefully as she were making a purchase and needed to choose carefully.

A light came to her face as she settled on what it was she was going to do. She picked up a heavy silver candlestick, swiftly removing the candle from it, and swinging it about freely.

A prickly silence had enveloped the room, as they sat in suspended animation, just waiting to see what she would do next.

She stopped when she came to Arthur.

"Hand on the table," she commanded.

Against his will, he found his hand moving eagerly onto the table. The loss of control was utterly humiliating in itself and pride was something that was dear to him, never mind whatever Morgana was about to do to his hand.

She lifted the candlestick up above his hand. Arthur just looked straight ahead, refusing to screw up his eyes or look in the least bit scared, he knew that he could take this. Instead of slamming down on his hand, she lowered it, putting it back onto the table.

"Too easy," she said, shaking her head.

She walked over to where Sir Leon was sitting, his face mirroring Arthur's expression of forced indifference.

She put a hand on his shoulder, as if they were just having a friendly chat.

"I think I'll kill him first…" she said, her tone was too light for the words that she was saying.

"No…" Arthur said, his face going pale, his stoicism broken just by her simple words.

"Then I think, perhaps, him," she continued, pointing at Sir Lancelot. "I'll kill them all before your eyes and there's nothing you can do but sit and watch. Then you'll know what it feels like to be powerless."

Her tone had changed, momentarily, although she soon reverted to her childish, gleeful tone.

"I think I'll kill your manservant last, I want to savour his death."

She drew out a dagger from inside her cloak and raised high in the air, as she had done with the Candlestick.

Gwen stood up sharply; pushing back her chair, trying to rush over to stop Morgana was standing.

But she was too late, too far away, Morgana plunged the dagger into Sir Leon's neck. He seemed to die almost instantly.

The room watched in horrified silence the passing of their comrade.

"What have you done?" Gwen asked, her voice filled with quiet despair, unable to believe that Morgana had actually just killed him, unable to believe that she had practically allowed her to do this. Painful guilt was already weighing on her heart like a lead weight, knowing that she had caused this, if only she had never come here, if only she had never been lead astray by her love for this murderer.

Morgana spun around, her face white with shock, only making the small smatters of blood more clearly defined. Her eyes were wild and darting as she searched Gwen's face, futilely, for an answer.

"How did you get up?"

**That's it for this chapter; this (and the next chapter, possibly) will probably be the darkest part of this fic, it will get better, I reassure you! Please review; I really appreciate feedback!**


	14. Chapter 14: Heartbreak

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 14: Heartbreak

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

**To Rowan: To answer your query, Morgana hadn't noticed Gwen's hesitation to sit down as her attention was elsewhere and Gwen sat down pretty quickly after everyone else did. I hope that makes it clearer. Morgana's motives should become more apparent in later chapters so I won't explain that at the moment. Thank you very much for reviewing, by the way. **

Had Gwen not been to heartbroken, too numb, to comprehend Morgana's words, she too would have be shocked. She had just presumed that Morgana had given Gwen the freedom of movement, perhaps as some sort of a dare; a challenge of sorts to see if Gwen would dare defy Morgana. But instead she just stared, emptily looking into Morgana's face, seeing the mask of control cracked again broke her, because despite everything she still couldn't find it within her heart to hate Morgana. She was even resisting the urge to reach out and comfort her.

And that made her a terrible person because Leon had just _died_ by Morgana's hand.

The room seemed to be blurring, shifting, before her eyes. It all felt so unreal, so false. The knowledge that she had failed, that things were never going to be as they were, could never be as they were, was weighing heavily on Gwen.

She didn't know what to do; there was nothing she could do, nothing she could do to fix this, to make it right.

"How did you get up?" Morgana repeated, sounding increasingly anxious to receive an answer.

Gwen shook her head, it seemed too hard to speak; her lips were dry and it felt like any words she might have had were curling up and dying in her throat.

Morgana shook her, roughly, by the shoulders. "Answer me."

The desperation was a start contrast to feeling of power Morgana had been experiencing only brief moments ago.

"He's dead," Gwen whispered, allowing herself to admit it out loud, barely even listening to Morgana. "You killed him."

Morgana dug her fingernails hard into Gwen's arm, the sensation feeling surprisingly sharp, having the effect of bringing Gwen out of her trance.

"I don't know!" Gwen's voice suddenly rang out loudly. Tears started to form, the feeling of being overwhelmed becoming all just too much. "I don't know anything about magick or anything about you, I thought I did, but it seems I was mistaken."

Her voice cracked as she spoke, her body was limp in Morgana's firm grasp. She felt like all her fight had been knocked out of her. Under ordinary circumstances she might have wished to fall asleep forever, to never wake up, but Morgana haunted her every dream. She'd walked willingly into a trap and now she had to face the consequences.

"You've ruined everything, you keep ruining everything. Don't tell me that you don't know, you've had so much time to scheme against me."

"Leave her alone, she's done nothing to you," Arthur said, trying to deflect attention back to himself, wracked with fear that Morgana might strike at Gwen next. He was afraid for himself too but he was far more afraid for her. "It's me you want to hurt."

"Gallant, very gallant," Morgana spat. His tactic appeared to be working as she turned to face him. "But would you be so willing to sacrifice yourself for her if you knew who she really was."

"I know exactly who Gwen is, there's nothing you can say to shake my faith in her," Arthur said, resolutely.

"You've put so much trust in her, it's such a pity that she's been so unfaithful to you, it's enough to break your heart."

"I don't believe anything you have to say." He did, as Morgana noted, dart a quick glance at Lancelot as she had spoken.

"Not with him. It would have been a great betrayal for her to have an affair with one of your best friends, true. But surely it's even worse that she spent the night in my bed, I'm your enemy after all."

Arthur looked blank for a moment as what Morgana was saying sunk in. It just seemed so preposterous that Gwen would do something like that to him.

"It isn't true?" It was intended to be a statement but it came out sounding more like a question aimed in Gwen's direction.

She couldn't meet his eye, she couldn't bear to look into his face for fear of what she might find there- heartbreak, disgust or perhaps anger. She wasn't sure which would be worse.

Her silence said it all, he couldn't deny it anymore, he just knew that it was the truth.

"It was some spell, wasn't it, you cast your pathetic magicks on her," Arthur accused, grasping at straws because the alternative hurt too much.

"You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you? But this was not my doing, she came to me all by herself," Morgana said, speaking the half-truth.

All the while he was trying to move, desperate to reach out and strangle Morgana for everything she had said, for everything she had done. She was taking everything from him, piece by piece; soon he'd had nothing left, no-one left if she continued her with her plan to kill his knights one by one. He imagined he'd be dead by the time she got to taking the throne but that was little comfort.

Merlin was desperately murmuring the words of all the spells he could remember under his breath, he knew he had to stop this, if only he knew what spell Morgana had cast to begin with. He felt the burden of his destiny to protect Arthur all the more strongly now that he was failing in it.

After the diversion, Morgana seemed to remember that she had already had a plan set out, she had allowed herself too many diversions. She dropped Gwen's arms and drew out her dagger again, approaching Lancelot.

Realising what was happening; Gwen rushed out, instinctively trying to stop another death.

Equally as instinctively, Morgana pushed her away, Gwen falling to the floor. Her skull made a large cracking sound as it impacted with the stone floor. Morgana stared in absolute horror as she realised that her dagger was not in her hands but instead embedded in Gwen's chest.

She had never meant for this to happen.

**Sorry about the bit of a wait for this chapter, I don't really have an excuse, I'm also sorry about the cliffhanger…I don't have an excuse for that either. Review please; I really appreciate any feedback you could give me.**


	15. Chapter 15: Love Siege

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 15: Love Siege

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fic. **

Gwen opened her eyes, her mind feeling as though it were filled with sawdust, her vision softly blurred. Her senses were telling trying to tell her something about her surroundings, she knew the general smell was at least somewhat familiar…and she had an overriding feeling that there was something she had forgotten…

Suddenly, shocked by a flash of memory, she bolted up, grasping her hand to her chest, expecting it to come away bloody.

Nothing.

No blood. No wound either. Had that been real?

Now fully awake, she managed to look around and take in her surroundings; the floor was covered in straw- that explained the familiar smell- it appeared she was locked in a dungeon somewhere.

"You're awake," a voice that she had never expected to hear again said, making her jump.

She turned around slowly to see Sir Leon sitting in the cell next door, knees to his chest, looking very much alive. In the other cells she could see the other knights, Arthur and Merlin, lying down, almost motionless- the slow breathing of deep sleep being the only indication that they weren't dead.

"Am I dead?" she blurted out, beyond shocked at seeing him. If this was the afterlife, it was nothing like the stories; in fact, it was somewhat of a let down.

"I can't be sure, but I think we're both still amongst the living," he said, smiling wryly.

"What happened to you? I really thought you were dead," she said, her tone conveying grief but mostly confusion.

"Morgana stabbed me and I woke up here, without a wound. I sat here trying to work it all out, and then you woke up. I'm no sorcerer but I'm going to hazard a guess and say that this is the result of some enchantment Morgana has cast."

Gwen nodded, still feeling dazed, her mind still reeling from recent events- even if they hadn't happened, she could felt as if it was real. She supposed that it made sense; Morgana had always been at her most powerful in the nightmare worlds she created and she needed that power to enact her revenge.

"I suppose 'killing' us disconnected us from the dream," Gwen said, thinking out loud. "She stabbed me too but I think it was an accident…"

"Saying that's true, what do we do now?" Sir Leon asked, "I've tried shouting but they won't wake up."

"Is there any way out of these cells?" Gwen's eyes darted around, looking, futilely, for a weak point somewhere.

Leon shook his head. "Not that I can see."

Silence descended as they sat and thought, desperately trying to come up with some solution, all the time Gwen fighting the urge to just give up, trying to ignore the feeling of despair and hopelessness that threatened to engulf her at any moment.

She knew she had the answer somewhere, if only she could just think clearly.

"Perhaps, getting out isn't the answer…perhaps, it's getting back in." As she spoke the plan begun to form in her mind- the only plan, this was her last chance.

"What are you talking about?" Sir Leon was unable to quite follow Gwen's thought process.

"Morgana and I have a…connection…it's hard to explain…but our dreams are connected, I'm sure if I went back to sleep, I could go back in there."

"Even saying that's true, what good will that do?"

"Because I can control my own actions there, please just trust me, there's no other way," Gwen pleaded.

Sir Leon considered it and then nodded. "If anything happens to you, Arthur's going to kill me," he added, trying to take a light tone.

She lay down and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind so as to invite sleep. Eventually she managed to fall into the dream, the sensation of distortion and change now familiar to her.

She found herself standing outside the door that lead to the room where Morgana was holding all of the others, she could hear her voice even through solid oak; despite Morgana's shrieks of revenge, she could hear pain in her voice, even now it still tugged at Gwen's heart strings.

She wondered, not for the first time, whether Morgana really knew what she was doing; only now she felt almost certain that she didn't.

Then again, Gwen hardly knew what she, herself, was doing either; she didn't believe, as certainly as she had, that Morgana could still be saved. All she could do was hope.

She listened for a while but she couldn't really hear the words. She knew she was going to have to act.

She summoned all her courage and whispered Morgana's name, knowing that Morgana could hear her, despite being barely audible even to her own ears, that was the nature of their connection.

Inside the room, Morgana froze, hearing Gwen's voice echoing in her ears. But that was impossible- Gwen was dead, she had _killed_ her. It was over.

"_Morgana."_

The voice came again, sounding louder than ever, taunting her. She put her hands to her ears, covering them to block out the sound, that terrible sound.

"_Morgana."_

She couldn't bear it, she couldn't bear how gentle Gwen's voice sounded, the a tone she knew she'd never hear again- this was a hallucination, a phantom, it wasn't real. It couldn't be real.

"_Morgana."_

Her eyes bulged and she bolted, abruptly, from the room, following the sound, leaving her captives staring at each other in confoundment

**Sorry for another late chapter, I've been busy; I went on a week long Latin course and there was also the business of A-level results and all that…I'm also not that satisfied with the writing in this chapter, especially as I'm not entirely sure how Sir Leon should be characterised and it's also concerned a lot with explaining the plot. The next chapter should be more interesting though, I hope. Review please; feedback is awesome!**


	16. Chapter 16: Breakthrough

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 16: Breakthrough

**Disclaimer**:** I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction. **

Morgana followed the sound of Gwen's voice, her own small, timid steps seeming to echo unbearably loud, almost drowning the faint sound out. She had been at the height of her power just a short time ago, but now she felt uncertain, a sense of familiar dread settled in her stomach, like a weight.

She continued walking but there was no sign of Gwen.

She reached out for the handle of the door that would lead her to the next room, her hand quivering against her will. She stopped, put an empty smirk on her face as was a matter of habit, and strode into the room as if she owned it- this was her mind after all, there was really nothing Gwen could do to hurt her.

It was what she told herself anyway.

She looked around. Still no sign of Gwen.

"Merlin?" she said, squinting at the figure who had stepped out of the shadows. It couldn't be, he was still stuck in his chair, she'd left him there.

He ignored her.

"Merlin! Where is Gwen?"

Silence.

"Answer me!" she commanded.

As if he hadn't heard her, he turned away and vanished into thin air.

She stood for a while, in shock- had that been the real Merlin or had that been a projection of her mind?

This was her world, she had created it, she was supposed to be in control.

And where was Gwen?

She looked around but there was no sign of either Gwen of Merlin (whether real or not).

She ran through into the next room, filled with familiar objects- the Cup of Life, the bracelet Morgause had given to her, the dagger she had almost killed Uther with. All covered in dust, dulled and useless.

But that didn't matter now; Gwen was absent from this room also.

Impatient, she ran into the next room, a room filled with portraits- Uther, Arthur and the Knights of Camelot. The accusatory look in their eyes felt piercing, she felt small under their judgemental stare from the high positioning on the walls- this is a gallery of all who have rejected her.

No Gwen.

"_Witch_," one begun to speak, a knight- she was not sure which.

"_Witch," _joined in another and another until the knights are like a chorus in their judgement and revulsion.

Arthur's portrait looked hesitant for brief moment but his eyes hardened. _"Witch."_

"She used to be my daughter," the picture of Uther intoned, sounding as cold as stone. "But a _witch _is no daughter of mine."

She grasped her hands to her head, feeling overcome with a dizzying sensation, feeling that word rain down on her like shower of arrows.

Unable to bear it, she dashed out of there, the sound of the noisefollowing her as she left.

She found herself in the forest, the door behind her disappearing. She spun around, trying to find her way, but these parts looked both familiar and unfamiliar- she had been here before, so many times, but she couldn't find a clear path. It was dark for it was night and there were no stars in the sky to guide her way.

She began to run, frantically, in any direction, barely even noticing anything that might tell her where she was. Cold sweat dripped down her back, panic was rising- she was being chased, was she being chased?

She had the horrible feeling that something was gaining on her, something or someone. She can't look back though, her neck refused to turn, her sight set purely on what was immediately ahead.

Everything would be fine as long as she didn't look back. As long as she kept on running and didn't stop, everything would be fine.

She kept stumbling but still she didn't stop, she could feel pain shooting through her legs, but still she could not stop.

Her breath was ragged and coming far too fast- a combination of the running and her fear.

Eventually, it got to point where she could not run anymore; her body would simply not allow it. Stopping, she found herself turning around, doing the thing that she couldn't do, mustn't do.

She saw something dark, like a shadow; pass over her, before the scene changed again.

It was still dark, but she was aware that she was no longer in the forest but in a room rather.

She thought she could hear a sound, something quiet, she couldn't quite hear.

It took her a while to realise that it was the sound of a young girl sobbing, muffled only by pillows.

This was her room, her room back at Camelot that was, she realised to her surprise.

This was her first nightmare. The first sign of her magick.

She watched her younger self cry and cry, feeling as desolate as she had done then.

There was no-one there- no hope.

Then she saw the light of a candle, suddenly appearing, forcing the darkness to retreat.

"What's the matter, my lady?"

It's Gwen, young Gwen.

She watched as her younger self is comforted and cared for by her maid servant, the genuine concern so painfully apparent, this memory is tainted by the fact that she knows that Gwen was dead.

So the voice was just another projection of her mind, wishful thinking and nostalgia for her youth, for a time when she was loved.

Both her younger self and young Gwen faded from the room, but the room remained. Seeing nothing else to do, she climbed into the bed, cowering underneath the covers.

But she didn't cry.

Instead, she waited. Waited, despite the fact there was no-one to wait for anymore. No-one left.

Then, unbelievably, she became aware of a light filling the room. She could barely look, too afraid to even hope.

But there was Gwen, adult, holding a candle as her younger self had done, looking just as sad, just as concerned as she ever had.

"You're not real, I killed you," she said, turning her face away.

"You killed me in a dream, that wasn't real," Gwen said, her eyes full of understanding, such sweet forgiveness.

It was more that Morgana could bear.

"It's not possible, it's just not possible," she repeated, more to herself, than to Gwen.

"It's okay, you didn't kill me."

"But I did, there was no way of knowing that killing you in a dream wouldn't kill you in reality. Either way, I killed you," her voice shook, as if she were on the brink of tears. "You shouldn't be here."

Gwen set down the candle and sat down on the edge of Morgana's bed.

"It's okay, I forgive you. There's nothing you can do to make me live, there's nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you."

Gwen held Morgana in her arms, as she finally broke down into seemingly ceaseless floods of tears.

**That's it for this chapter, there's not much more to go with this story. Review please!**


	17. Chapter 17: New Paths

Saccharine Torments

Chapter 17: New Paths

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fanfiction.**

Eventually Morgana's weeping came to a gradual stop. She knew that she was technically still asleep but she felt exhausted, hollow, drained of all moisture. She was still shuddering violently; yet her limbs lacked the strength to allow her to move from the spot. She wasn't sure whether she could have summoned the energy to cast an enchantment even if she had wanted to.

Still she clung to Gwen with all the might she could summon, she could feel the rise and fall of Gwen's chest, Gwen felt like the only solid thing, a island surrounded by a sea of peril.

"You know what you have to do," Gwen said, speaking for the first time in a while, keeping her tone soft so as not to alarm Morgana- given the state that she was in.

"I…I…don't think I can," Morgana whispered, staring, glassy-eyed, at a tiny crack in the wall, as if she were addressing it instead rather than Gwen.

"You can," Gwen insisted, gently but firmly. "Only you can do this."

Morgana turned to face her, her eyes wide and filled with fear and doubt.

"I'll be right here," Gwen added, to calm her further.

Morgana squeezed her eyes shut, tightly, summoning every ounce of power she could summon. She breathed shallowly in and out and pushed with her mind, borrowing Gwen's strength that radiated from her like heat from the sun.

The dream-world she created shattered around her, without a sound, and then there was nothing but blackness.

Gwen awoke to the sounds of confused chatter and shouting; she bolted upright and looked around. She was back in the cell again, back in the real world again.

And of course the voices belonged to the Knights, Arthur and Merlin- Arthur's voice was particularly loud and indignant. It was only natural- they were confused after all, they probably didn't even know that what had happened in sleep. She had thought that everything would be okay as long as Morgana just let them go, as long as she just let go; but now all sorts of questions as to where they would all go from here, started to form in her mind like rainclouds.

They were all chattering about how it was they would get out of there (for starters), they hadn't even noticed that Gwen had joined them in the land of the awake.

She became aware of something digging into her palm, her fist closed tight around it. Curious, she uncurled her hand to find a metal key sitting there- that certainly hadn't been there before.

She didn't even want to speculate as to how it got there, it really wasn't important at this point; all she needed to know was does this key fit the lock?

She walked, fitting the key into the lock, turning it to swing the door open.

She stepped out, the others paying attention to her for the first time since she woke, she moved towards the next cell, to see whether the same key would work- it did. Seemed like it was a master key for every door in the dungeon. One by one, she freed them all.

Arthur was looking with a mix of resentment and a strange confusion, like he was trying to work out who she was. Everyone else mostly just looked tired but happy to see Sir Leon alive at least.

"Well, we at least we all survived!" Merlin said, awkwardly breaking the silence that had descended.

"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur muttered, without his usual vigour, just out of habit. He then began to stride, aggressively forward, without explanation as to what he was doing.

"Where are you going?" Merlin called out after him.

"I'm going to kill her," Arthur said, his voice seething with anger.

The Knights gave each other looks, Lancelot rushing in front of him, in order to block his path.

"I think you should calm down, before you do anything rash- who's to say she wouldn't just cast some spell on you the second you tried anything?"

His objections were reasonable but Arthur didn't listen to reason at the best of times; he pushed Lancelot aside and carried on.

Gwen was afraid of what he might do- afraid, in equal parts, for him and Morgana. She followed him, as did Merlin, leaving the Knights to stand around and try and come up with some sort of proper strategy, should it be needed- as their leader seemed to be too angry to think clearly for himself.

When they found her, Morgana was up and dressed; thankfully, she also looked slightly stronger than before, although she still seemed withdrawn and fragile. She was sitting, not as a Queen sits upon a throne, but as someone for whom standing was an exertion too far.

"I knew you'd come," she stated, simply.

Arthur seemed somewhat taken aback- not by her comment, but because of her demeanour- the aura of cruelty and power was gone, that much was clear to anyone, even someone clouded by rage and sorrow.

He sighed. "What are we going to do with you?" There was almost a hint of brotherly affection in his voice, despite everything.

They talked for a long time- well, mostly it was Arthur doing the talking, interrogating Morgana, trying to find a suitable solution as to the problem as what do about her- they could hardly have her executed (even had he not an ounce of compassion for her it would have been so, after all, it would have been like airing their family's dirty laundry in front of all the subjects of Camelot) and having her jailed wasn't going to work either.

Finally, they reached a conclusion.

"We'll let you stay here, under house arrest, I'll leave some of my guards here to make sure you don't return to your old ways," he said, grimly.

"I'm staying too," Gwen added.

"I think we need to talk, outside," Arthur said, leaving Merlin and Morgana in the room by themselves.

"You can't possibly be thinking of staying with her." He paced as he spoke, clearly frustrated. "I don't care what happened whilst you were here, I don't blame you, just come home with me."

"I can't, she needs me…and…"

"And?" he demanded.

"I love her, I'm sorry, but it's true." She made sure she was looking him directly in the eyes when she said it.

"Please…" he said, his voice strained.

"My mind's made up, I'm sorry," she said, walking back towards the room, stopping to say something that had just occurred to her. "Don't be afraid to pursue the person you really want."

Six months later…

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" Gwen asked, anxiously- the last six months had been mostly spent getting Morgana back to her old self. It certainly hadn't been easy; there had been so many things that Morgana had kept hidden all her life, so many things that were stopping her from being whole. But they'd made progress; Morgana seemed more and more like the head-strong, compassionate woman that Gwen had first fallen in love with, each day. She just didn't want to see a setback.

"Yes, I'm sure, I'm ready to go back home," Morgana said, getting up on her horse. "I know it'll be awkward with Arthur but…"

"He's your brother, he loves you," Gwen said, sensing that underneath the bravado, Morgana was worried about how things would be with him.

"I didn't mean me," Morgana laughed. "What about you and him?"

"He's over me, if his letters are anything to go by," Gwen said.

"That wouldn't, by any chance, have anything to do with a certain clumsy manservant of his?" Morgana asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Perhaps," Gwen said, in a tone that clearly meant 'yes'.

"Shall we head off now?" Morgana asked, clearly anxious to get back to Camelot and integrate back into society. Uther had died two months earlier and Arthur's attitude to magick was somewhat more relaxed that his father's; she was hoping to atone for everything that she had done by showing the people that magick users weren't all bad- then maybe people with gifts could be a part of Camelot, not enemies with it.

"I suppose it's time," Gwen said, raising herself onto a horse.

"I love you," Gwen said, as they begun to ride in the direction of Camelot.

"You don't have to say it everyday," Morgana teased, pleased nonetheless.

"Oh, I most certainly do," Gwen shot back.

"I love you too."

**So, that's it for this chapter and this story, this is the end. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, but I would especially like to thank DoubleMMia, I could not have continued with this fic without your continuing support! I'll miss writing this fic (originally, I thought it would have about 7 chapters, so it ended up being longer than I expected), I hope everyone enjoyed it, and please leave a review saying what you thought overall!**


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